i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
