I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
