Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
