What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
