It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
