I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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