well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
