He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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