hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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