I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
