Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
