you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
