You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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