he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
