tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
