I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
