you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
