he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Too much gin, very little bucket
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
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