4 words: hood of his car
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
