I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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