It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
