It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
