You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
