whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
