My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
