hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
