put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
do herpes really smell.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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