And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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