i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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