I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
