my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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