Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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