Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
