last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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