You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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