Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
