Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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