my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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