we're blogging at a bar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
