Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
