So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
