make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
