he wants to bone in the snuggie
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Randomize
