just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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