The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
