vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
