Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
