My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
