Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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