I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
