if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
