We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
