He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
