forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
